Deadlines - the reckoning April 30, 2005

The sky descends
like a pewter grey ceiling
I drive past their big castles
walk past their men
holding hands with their small girls
and I look into their eyes
wondering if any could be
my one time guest
in the hole you left

I never thought
I could be that woman
who would settle
and divide her life
in squares
neat and not so tidy like

And I ponder
are my black thoughts
just a function of my
dark chemistry
or a product of my visit
to the cancer ward yesterday?

My friend Ade
flayed from nave to chops
to rip out the invader
which will not retreat
making her belly swell
shamefully
though not with sweet
fertile seed

Her hand descends
to caress with annointing oil
her burden
her burthen
gently rubbing
trying to make it move

"Will you rub it for me?"
Tenderly I lay hands
upon the swollen mound
firm but without
a familiar swish or kick
smooth and round
I imagine every ounce of my love
and care
seeping, nay pouring
from my tips
as if that was all it took
to make this thing come forth,
be delivered

And the song comes
from my lips
full of spirit and healing
and the liquid salt leaks
splashing on the taunt drum
raising her
from her deserved moments
of peace and calm

All is not right with
this world
And I no longer wonder
why I cry
or why
my tears swell
unbidden
without warning

The ledger is
not balanced
When will the account be reconsiled?