I called you my friend

I called you my friend
that sunny breezy day
when I shared my dark haze
with women the colour of you
and their shiny countenance's
heard my pain
verified the same

Much is now past
I see only
the back of your creased head
as you avert your gaze
at my request


And we daren't
let our eyes lock
you seeing what is
within mine
and your desire plain
for me
for all to see

I still want to hate you
think ill of you
because if I don't
where will all this
end
what piece of me
will you feast on next

Standing before all those women
those witnesses
I could not call you
my lover
I could not call you
my partner
I could not call you
HA
my boyfriend
how ridiculous that sounds
even to my own ears

But with you I could cry
from my head to my toes
shaking
ashamed as I was

You released me

You said - if it bothers you
do whatever it takes
consider something radical

You said - you need help

And that was all
the nudge I needed
to go and find her
this new old me
that you don't know
and you've never seen

I still can't believe
that on that day
I called you my friend