The Longest Night of the Year

Now you're gone
and I'm left to dam up
what you have brought to life
Silent desires and whispered prayers
half fulfilled

Every thought
every movement of my body
makes the ashes rise
silky and grey
clouding the air
misting my eyes
darkening my mind

Each fine particle
clinging to my damp skin
invading my nostrils
I cannot see beyond this black haze

You so willingly accept any blame
I wish to shift
But I am unwilling to absolve myself
I search for meaning
and purpose in this pain

what does this lapse say
about me?
What do I say to HIM?
What excuses do I have?

I pray
time will give me words
cloaked with grace
so I'll not be forced to forgo
his long awaited embrace