Saturday, July 22, 2006


Have you ever noticed
the rain that falls
while sun shines
pelts more fiercely
stinging every square millimeter
of exposed skin

In that tingling state
you become acutely aware
of shining diamonds
on leaf's edge
and rainbows across the sky

And it makes me hope
that your raining down on me
will unleash the treasures
that await


I watch them
am crippled by their newness
her slim heels
on his capable knee

And only I spied the moment
she brushed
the backs of her fingers
across his broad palm
while he squeezed
his acceptance of crumpled borders
authorized the building of new territories

Their Republic
into which no one may cross
papers stamped
access denied


All these things
I don't want you to see
my broken self
how it got that way - I am trying to decipher
my unreasonable desires - who could fulfill?

Surprisingly, you wanted to see
you thought you wanted to witness
my trembling
to hear me cry out

Now you've been as close
as I can let you come
to the scene of the devastation
you are the fuse
settling off unending waves
of tendre crying out
and tremblings

each retreat
each separation
each declined invitation
holds within it the possibility
of the end
and I hold back my screams
and stifle my desire
to beg for all of you
to bind you and keep you
captive in our own secret space
for me alone


you've set me adrift
in this vast wasteland
longing for a place
I remember
from my dreams

I stand in the wilderness
arms outstretched
scenting the air
when the rain will come

I never thought it was possible
to yearn for moisture
to feel each cell
cry out for a deluge

In this wilderness I wander
solitary and parched
unable to enter that promised place
unwilling to return to squalor

I feel I could crack
into a million tiny dry fragments
and blow away
utterly unnoticed by anyone

Will you know I'm gone?
Did you ever really sense
I was here?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Spires rise
against the background
of pink purple skies
and I try to
calm myself
amidst voracious cries

I'm relieved to know
only a few hours lie
between us and your
tight embrace
encirling me
helping me quiet
the bellows
for more
more of everything
oh, but for
my surgical solution

Must pain be so imminent
ever present
to stop me?
and my self inflicted stupidness

Even the pleasure
is dampened
all those good things
taste bland
on the palate
smells pale
colours dissipate
nothing is enough

This futile yearning
is insistent
and insatiable
drowning out
subtler softer

My gentle rest
where have you gone?

Friday, July 14, 2006


How many times today
have I smelled you?
tasted you?
hearing the low rumbling baritone
of another man
I wished it was you
around the corner
behind the door

How can I exsponge you from my mind
now that I've let you
permeate and penetrate
my body?

Each new ride
begins uncharted
a roadtrip to nowhere - special
traipsing over new hills
around new corners

Could familiar terrain
each time seem
so raw and new?
untrodden by another

How Long?

I am alarmed at the speed
with which you breach
my barriers
with practiced ease you topple any
carefully constructed resolve
that I attempt to erect

I am the enemy
at the gates
gleefully ignorantly
handing over the keys
to my own defeat
my penned words are traitors to my cause
revealing the long concealed tunnel
to my core

I fear the version of me
you masterfully unveil
sweeping away all my reserve
who is this woman?
who fearlessly grasps
the very thing she desires
holding it to herself
for as long as she may
but still she asks
how long will it last?


Why must you be so close
and embedded in my brain?
Today while rescuing
wet chestnuts from trampling feet-
your brown skin - smooth and unblemised
invaded me
forcing me into corners
I was hoping to escape

I know today
you think of me
and my end of week
autumn damp
seeping into your bones
chilling your surface
and within

let me warm you
to that dangerous fire
together we shall both burn
and escape
where there is no hope of escape

Thank You

Now I come to examine what it is I have done
to look for your small hidden scalpel
which has assisted in the evisceration of my soul

You hold as many keys as a jailer
why have you set me free?
how many others have you moved toward this same
self-inflicted disembowelment?

From the gorry mess of my heart you do not run
your voyeuristic fascination
at the spilling of secrets
goes beyond a spectator sport
you are a player
a player of songs
a spinner of webs
you have caught me
in my naked exhibitionist dance

how I longed to be captured

For this discovery
I say - Thank You


My sweet Lord
that I could accept your mercy
as freely as you give it
I desire the penitent flagellation of old
that my body may mirror
this scourge on my soul
each stripe a testament
to the torment inflicted
as my will rails against Yours

This broken temple
should perish in disuse
abandoned and disgraced
yet You enter
breathing promises
dispelling my self-loathing
restoring me

I am conquered by Your tendreness
I drink Your love

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Bench Warmer

I see his hand
the slope of his nose
the full curve of his lips
and the fine cut of his suit
she sits nestled and proud
beside him
so sweet

The glimmer on his finger
pushes me far
alone, adrift at sea
the flash of gold
a beacon
warning all to stay away

Surrounding me
the tendre touch of others mocks:
arm draped across shoulders
hand pressed protectively against thigh
two by two they gather to worship

Was this you - in your early years?
appearing as the faithful one?
eyes infront and intent
with nary a stray thought
or sideward glance

And I wish to stop
the moments before
your full ripe lips collided with
and consumed mine
I wish to insert the ring
to hold me eternally at bay
respectful of the danger
and imminent shipwreck
upon your rocky shore

Canoe Toes

It takes no effort
to cast my mind back
to the dawn
of awareness

Twenty toes
wet with lake water
as we faced each other
in your canoe

I didn't know
so little
could do
so much
and nothing would stop
the chemical cascade
the swell

Little did my mind know
but my body
was ready
for your firm surprise
as I whispered
my doubts to you
doubting anyone would ever
want to hold me
or know me
or kiss me in this way

So many truths
no one ever told you
sweet girl
just shy
of nineteen